I wish there was something I could do
But there isn’t anything I could do…I spent the whole relationship trying…in reality the better part of the relationship was him in rehab, prison, and rehab again…but just to hear that he’s with this girl, back on heroin, getting arrested multiple times in just the last month, has a warrant out in Camden, and is about to be evicted by his mom…makes me feel sorry for him. He has to learn for himself though. And he has to hit his bottom. He said he never wanted to go back, but I think he’s headed for jail again. I know it’s not my problem anymore, and they never should have been my problems, but it is so so sad to see. This kid has had every opportunity to try to turn it all around, but he won’t. A part of my heart still breaks for him. I loved him. But he doesn’t want to change still. A part of me wishes he would reach out for help…to me. But maybe even he knows that that could ruin me in many ways. It hurts to see the ones you love suffer.
I’m always fucking angry!!!
I have this obsession for attention ever since this guy gave me some. He gave me a little more than some ;) but that doesn’t mean anything honestly. My boyfriend of 18 months cheated on me before I miscarried…and idkk how I even feel about this guy. Part of me wants to be closed off and alone, but a part of me wants to be associated with someone else since I struggle with my identity.
I’m so torn
Eddie…just Eddie. I don’t understand anything. Anything! Apparently he told his mom he’s going to talk to me soon. She made me promise not to answer the phone for him.
The way I think worries me a lot of the time. I present myself one way, and I’m very thankful for that because I like to think that it’s a decent image. But somehow people seem to mysteriously know about the madness within.
I realized today that I’m setting myself up to hurt. I seem to be able to do it to myself with anything, honestly. I’ve said it before but I’m an attention whore who pretends like I don’t want the attention.